Love is in the air... ???

Run on the beach this morning was divine. Actually, it was quite painful. My shoulder hurt, I had shin splints, and my foot had a cut that really bothered me. Ok so I had to stop and walk for a bit, but that walk I swear was just what I needed. There is something magical about walking on the beach and talking with God... So I thought I'd address some things that have just surrounded me lately; things in conversation, thoughts, prayer, and culture. Things about love.

I am in an interesting and gracious place in my life in regards to relationships and love, but I have had so many conversations lately where the enemy is causing fear, doubt, anxiety, sorrow, and bitterness toward relationships. If it isn't fear, it's lust for a relationship that is driving people. The desire for a relationship and lack of contentment without one is a major scheme of the enemy that plagues my peers... and probably many more in this culture of today. With these emotions, desires, fears, or whatever the heck you want to call it comes the spirit of control that we so desparately try to hang on to.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I am often prone to wanting to control my situations and circumstances to fit what I envision to be a desireable outcome. In fact, since my singleness (after a serious 4 year relationship that I had once envisioned leading to marriage), I often catch myself imagining, dreaming, or wondering how I will meet my future husband (oh so girly and hard to admit... but hang on, I'm getting somewhere). Then I will decide an ideal way to meet someone or start a relationship or whatever... and then I'll pray about it because I desire an honest and open relationship with God, and then something will happen similarly to what I envisioned (which I end up not liking at all) to prove to me that I have no idea how or what I want to have happen. Hmm. Ultimately I come back to the conclusion that I really want no control in this. I have no clue. I don't need to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to even think about it. Ok so here's where I am now (sorry for the scatteredness of it all):
So grateful to be where I am finally. After oh about um 6 years of dating, crushes, dreaming, etc... I am in a state of surrender to my Lord and loving that I am able to be loved by my God in such a fulfilling way. I think that I didn't believe I could ever reach this point- that it would be something my heart always struggled with or that I would think about constantly... but God and God alone can change hearts and bring you to your knees so that only He will satisfy and that you only desire for Him to satisfy. Not trying to be a Pollyana here and say that I am struggle-free or unrealistically fulfilled, but the fact of the matter is that we serve a big God... and I asked Him to change my heart, to tune it to His, to fill my life with uncircumstantial joy, and under His authority He did.
We have little faith that He can and will bring us out of our sin, out of our fleshy desires, and out of the strongholds of the enemy. We have little faith that we can give up control if we give Him the reigns. How often do I hear people say to me, "I've tried so hard to give everything to God and it just never goes away. I guess I will always struggle with this." B.S. Who is our God? Who heals the blind, the lame, the broken, the needy ones? Who died upon the cross so we could be FREE? Don't ever say that you can't be healed or that God can't and won't change you. We were meant to be free, to live in the freedom of the grace of God. I won't deny that it is a process and that it may take time... but relish in the process!!! Daily surrender to Him! He is so faithful!!!
For those of you struggling with insecurity of the faith or unbelief or doubt or anxiety or wanting to meet your future spouse right now... pray. Pray and believe! Repent, turn from your sin with God's HELP. He is our Helper! Deny yourself so that He can fulfill your every desire! The enemy would want nothing more than to distract you from God's purpose by telling you that for some reason you need a romantic relationship and should focus on every guy or girl who comes your way. You don't. Not now. Trust. Here's what Jackie told me this morning when I was discussing this with her: Let God surprise you! - I was commenting on the irony of every time I think I know what I want and how I want it to happen God proves me wrong... and she looked at me and said, "maybe you should not think at all about how it should happen... maybe you should let Him surprise you and not let your focus be altered." She's a wise one that woman. I'll admit I was defensive at first, thinking that I might perhaps be too good for that sort of struggle (hello pride why don't you just step in and reveal yourself right now?). Then my shins hurt me so bad I had to walk and I let her run ahead of me. Then God spoke. I'm better now. I too am part of a process of restoring my faith to Him. Truly content with my heart and knowing that it rests in the palm of His hands... content that I imperfect but that God is refining my faith because it is precious to Him.
"The Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'" Matthew 16:24