Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Shawn McDonald. Anne Lamott. Bubble Bath. Chai Latte.

Soaked in the tub tonight... put my book down and listened to Shawn's voice filling the empty apartment. "Somewhere over the rainbow..." he sings. Gets me thinking. What is beyond my rainbow? What am I waiting for? Dreaming of? Hoping for? I don't really know the purpose of the song - I stop listening after "bluebirds sing." But I do think. And pray. And contemplate.
My soul is incredibly tranquil right now. "Peace that surpasses all understanding." I think that sometimes means contentment in the midst of circumstances void of common sense.
When I first started thinking about "my rainbow" - if you will - I thought about the urgent prayer requests of my heart... Please Lord... can't I know now? Should I be searching more? What do I do? And then came the peace.

In three weeks I will be married to a man I never imagined I would find. My wildest dreams never included the man I will marry because I was convinced he didn't exhist. And yet God blew me away. He's not only the man who shares my dreams and passions... he's the man who twirls me around in Kento's because Natasha Bedding is blaring over the loud speaker. He's the man who brings me my favorite flowers on a consistant basis "just because." He's the man who is not satisfied with my short, terse, and foolishly false responses to "are you ok?" - the man who relentlessly asks questions until I spill. He's the man who encourages me to cry because it is good to cry. He is the one who prays for me when I can't - and lately I can't. He's the one who holds my hand and listens as I have my emotional outbursts (which, for obvious reasons, are nearly out of control as of late). He is the one who doesn't let me get away with stupid sensitivity. He is the man who made my chai latte tonight because he's working late at the Bux. My rainbow...

In a moment of panic and frustration last week, I asked JD to remind me why we decided to get married so soon (no - I wasn't having second thoughts or doubts - not at all... I just needed to be reminded, because in the midst of wedding plans I think I forgot). He patiently told me... "because we're madly in love Annie." Oh yes... love. Phew. There really needn't be any other explanation than that. Sometimes the Call is as simple as the Desire.

I remember Orientation Week of Calvin Crest summer staff my first year. People were sharing why they chose to serve on staff and some pretty crazy stories came up. Last minute decisions, rebellion and then return, etc. etc. I remember sitting in my chair feeling rather uncomfortable. Had I been called? I didn't remember having some elaborate spiritual experience where God shoved me toward the mountain. Did that mean I wasn't really supposed to be there? These questions and more like them swirled around my head for a few moments and then I remembered... I just really wanted to be there. For most of my adolescent life I longed to be on staff at Calvin Crest and there I was. The Call.

Sometimes the Call is a radical, transforming spiritual experience. But sometimes it really just stems from a deep seated desire, instilled by the Holy Spirit, to do something. I've wanted to do youth ministry for several years now. So I'm doing it. God didn't sit me down in a chair and audibly tell me to go into youth ministry... but He might as well have because every time I think I can run from it - He just brings me back to this place, and in this place I find peace. So here I am. At peace. Excited to get married. Resting in God's presence and trusting like a child who is tired of running around asking the question "are we there yet?" I'm here and I'm waiting. The harvest is plenty and the workers are few. So let me be a worker... He'll do the rest.