Spiritual Poverty

Yesterday was one of those days. Car broke down after work in the hot summer weather. Tow truck came. Car shop was closed... must wait a day. Nausiated because of antibiotics and ear infection. Very tired. Haven't a clue what October will bring... where we will live, what we will do, how we will sleep (no bed). Debt and financial burdens looming overhead. Spiritally poor too...

This is the place God has me. Must TRUST. Even if by a thread. Relying on what I know to be true about God rather than what I feel about God. I feel nothing. There is no spiritual hallibaloo. Spiritual poverty keeps me praying for mercy and grace and for God to be much bigger than me.

Expectations escape as they are never met. We must expect God but not "how" God. Felt the Call for years... now it's put into motion and I feel nothing. Is there something wrong with me or is there something Divine in the need to feel small, insignificant, dry, unworthy, and unfeeling... There are no fireworks in my heart - the romance gone from my vision... Yet I still trust because I know God. I know God and I know His call. Obedience and faith - His requirements.

Is this discouragement or real life. Is this attack or is it necessary to the Call. Is this the effect of sin or is it God's faithful silence.
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I cannot do it on my own...