Walking on Water

I suppose that after my last post it would be more logical to write papers for school. Instead, I'm writing about my life. I might be brutally honest here, so be prepared. Here goes...

Fear can go to hell. Sorry to be blatant, but honestly, it needs to be said. It doesn't belong in my life or in yours, and it needs to go to hell where it belongs. I can't tell you how much of my life has been dictated by fear, and has prevented me from living an abundant life. I could trace my path of fear in a multitude of areas in my life, but I'd rather just explain where I am now.

I am becoming more and more convinced that fear is the stronghold that prevents access to God's grace and mercy, to His love and affection, and to living a radical life that Jesus calls us to. A couple weeks ago JD spoke about confidence at AIA. He brought up the passage of Jesus walking on water in Matt. 14 and presented the idea that it wasn't necessarily Peter's lack of faith in Jesus that caused him to sink, but his lack of confidence in himself (I'll explain more on that later). Yesterday I was in a wierd funk and I decided to return to my notes from his talk and then I started explicating Matt. 14 for myself. I can't tell you how many parallels I found to my own life in that story.

Jesus had just performed an incredible miracle (fed the 5,000) and sent the disciples out on the water while He prayed in solitude. At about 4 in the morning, Jesus walks out to them on the water and of course they were terrified. Their reaction to Jesus' actions brought fear because it was unexpected, radical, and completely supernatural. Jesus works in mysterious ways. Immediately Jesus reveals himself and tells them to be courageous... Fear Not. I feel like the meat of the story for me lies in Peter. I'm quite like Peter. Peter is bold with his request, yet still unsure of what's going on. "Lord if it's you, tell me to come out to you on the water." Meaning, Lord I want to trust that this is you but I need divine assurance that you are doing this.
"Come." Jesus says to Peter, "Come." He reassures Peter of who He is and acknowledges Peter's request for assurance. It's a simple command, yet so rich in meaning. The call to "come" meant Peter had to step out of the boat and onto the water... He calls us to risks. He confirms who He is and what He is doing and invites us to join. Yet there is a call, and it is a risk.
Peter got out of the boat and came toward Jesus. He was doing just fine until he looked around. "But when he saw he wind, he was afraid, and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'" He saw the wind and analyzed the situation... It was dangerous, it had never happened before, it was new, and it didn't make any sense. But Jesus said come. When Jesus says come, we sink when we look around. If things aren't making sense and the dangers appear too high, we will sink. Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught Peter. " 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?' " Peter doubted the command. He doubted that he was in the Lord's hands and that the risk Jesus had called him to was real, yet it was real. Jesus said come. He took his eyes off Jesus and didn't think he was capable of making it to him. Really, Peter didn't need to doubt his capability. Neither do we. When the Lord says come, we needn't doubt that command or the situation he calls us to. It might not make sense. It might be terrifying. It might be radical and it might be uncomfortable... but do we trust that Jesus Himself said come, and that Jesus will be victorious through what He calls us to?

I don't know, I'm going through this process of renewing my mind and my focus, of allowing thoughts to happen that I didn't think belonged there because my perspective of God was narrow. And maybe I'm wrong, but it could be possible that Jesus is calling me to come to him on the water in ways I didn't expect. It might not make sense. It might be very scary, but I am learning confidence that God has control. My eyes must be focused on Jesus. Until He tells me otherwise, I will tread this water that doesn't make sense. And hey, let's be honest. Walking on water sounds like the coolest thing ever... Jesus' call is good, exciting, fun, and is ultimately for the purpose of bringing glory to Him.

They got back in the boat and all the disciples were in awe of Jesus. They worshiped. Pretty sweet ending.

So Fear Not. I'd rather take a risk and be wrong, or be corrected than stay in that stupid boat of my own comfort. If it's from Him... He will beckon "come" and I will go.