Saturday Morning

I woke up this morning at 9:58 to my phone buzzing with a number I didn't recognize. I pressed ignore and tried to keep sleeping, but I had reached the point where sleeping was no longer an option. I listened to my voicemail and discovered a job offer from Bank of America as a teller - they read my resume on monster. It was nice to know that if I was ever desperate for a job, monster was a good resource. I had already received two calls regarding my resume.

The sky looked overcast when I looked out my window and I decided reading outside would have to wait until later in the day. The next best alternative was to head down to a coffee shop in Westwood with my Brennan Manning book, journal, and Bob Dylan's autobiography. I called JD to see if he wanted to join. He sleepily agreed and we walked beneath a cloudy sky to one of our favorite spots in Westwood. Novel Cafe was busy this morning. We claimed the only two comfy seats that were open and ordered extra foamy coffee drinks and pastries. Double lowfat extra foamy latte with a bagel and cream cheese for me, and a double extra foamy latte with a blueberry muffin for JD. I opened my book, Signature of Jesus, and began reading - stopping only to sip my mocha and eat my bagel. JD read John Donne for our God and Intellectual Conversation in the 17th century seminar. We like to do this sort of thing. As coffee shop junkies, one of our favorite activities is to go and read in a cultured coffee shop (although we revert to Starbucks often because the 30% discount lures us in).. soaking in the atmosphere and engaging our minds with the small print sprawled out page after page.

While I was reading, I realized that I am constantly thinking. In class, while reading, while exercising, while sitting still, while driving, while talking... Sometimes I wish my mind would give itself a break. I wish I could focus on that which is before me rather than the million things that are impertinant but still entertain my mind each moment of the waking day. I'm still being told to be less busy. To rest. To be silent, still, and confident in His sovereignty. It's something that is contrary to my nature. I remember attending AIM the summer before my senior year and we had a lesson on solitude. I don't remember if it was Becky, Ryan, or Steven who gave the lesson, but I remember talking to Steven about it later during evaluations. I desperately wanted to be still and hear God's voice. I had tried a couple times before but hadn't really heard anything that resonated as the voice of the Almighty. I remember Steven told me it could take time, that the act of being still before God was a discipline, and that we couldn't choose when God would speak. He said it could take two weeks or twenty years. It only took a few weeks after that conversation to hear His voice and know it was His. I hear Him best when I am on my knees in a closed room, usually my closet or bedroom. Lately I hear this: "Trust and abide" and "I am well pleased with you daughter." Sometimes it is instructional, but the past 6 months have consisted of these words. And I must rest in these words, for my Maker whispers them to me, knowing me in a way I don't even know me.

I didn't realize this is where my blog was going this morning. I was only inspired by the serene moments in the coffee shop to write, but beneath the pleasure of reading books that cause my spine to tingle and goosebumps to raise on my arms because of who God is, there are thoughts begging to be released in writing. And so I wrote them - take them for whatever they are worth to you... they are merely glimpses of my heart and mind... both of memory and of present... and in writing them on this laptop that so often bears the depths of my ever wandering mind, I am at peace once more.

Carpe Diem