Are we in a hurricane? Because it sure feels like it...Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
So call me whatever you want
I edited this post a bit after Leisel's comment and some serious thinking...
When I began blogging, my primary audience was Calvin Crest folks, my high school friends, and the occasional college peer. My entries were sometimes more candid, more introspective, and perhaps sometimes too personal. When I discovered my blog base extended to family, friends, First Pres Bakersfield, and people who spend too much time on Facebook ;), I changed the way I write a little bit. Perhaps more conservative, definitely less threatening. And occasionally I want to write about things that perhaps the Bakersfield Californian would not be so interested to read. I am fine with all this, really - I am blessed to have a variety of readers. I feel like I understand vulnerability to a whole new level. I did, after all, write an entire blog entry about sex (for those of you new to the blog - ahem, my in-laws ;), the entry was about struggling with purity, not about having it) and I heard about it from my grandma later (who was actually very supportive)...
All that to say...
I want to write about something controversial, but not for the sake of being controversial. I pray my wrestlings would bring me closer to the heart of God and the truth of His plan rather than produce a clanging cymbal through the keyboard.
My thoughts lately turn to the age long controversy of the female role in the Church. Now, if you've read my essay on the Apostle Paul and the way he addresses women in ministry, you know that I believe both Jesus and Paul administered women to roles of teaching and leadership in the early church that were considered very radical. To be perfectly honest, I am very confident in God's call both in my life as a minister of the Gospel and in His call to other woman to be in positions of leadership in the Church. I wrestle no more in my own search to know God's heart for the other half of His Image.
And yet I find myself once again in a place where my soul is reminded that the way I see things (hopefully through Christ's eyes) and the way that Christian culture, some doctrine, churches, etc. see things at times, vastly differ. I don't see in motion that which I believe Christ encourages.
At the Sunday evening church-wide meeting, a new position is being discussed. An administrative pastor is needed to take the load off the pastoral care pastor. A woman raises her hand and asks, "Even though the title has the word 'pastor' in it, can a woman take the job?" My husband noticed my frustration as my hand clenched his tightly. I walk into staff meetings, and, save the secretaries & children's director (and, by the way, I LOVE this staff), I'm the only woman... as is true in most churches. When the youth pastors get together across the city, a congregation of men meet. The ballot for elders is men only (I forgot how "liberal" those Presbyterians could be with their female elders;)). This is our culture. Please note: I love these people. I am so very blessed to now belong to this congregation and the pastoral staff is Godly in the truest sense of the word. My frustration is not against specific people or the men who take leadership in the Church. The reality is - well, this is the reality and this has been reality... for a really long time.
I don't feel like God has given me a heart and a passion for the empowerment of women for no reason. Nor do I feel like He has led me into full-time ministry without Divine purpose. Even now I close my eyes and whisper that my heart would be His and that these words would reflect His character.
...
I plan to have kids some day. I don't know when. But someday (God willing), I will hold a small child in my arms, sing it lullabies, and rock it to sleep. I will be a mother just like most women in this world were created to be. To be honest, this desire is somewhat new for me. I think in my mind I always figured I would raise kids with my husband and live some kind of life being a mother and wife, and in the back of my head I always wondered, but God, what about ministry? What about grad school? What about these dreams? What about my desire to empower women and to reveal historical truths about your Word? And then the light bulb finally turned on as I watched baby Kana romp around with all of his drool spilling onto the hardware floor. Be the woman you want to empower. If I am to be a vessel of God as a minister to the Church, and if I want to advocate for female leadership in the Church (or whatever have you), then I am going to have to be a "normal" woman. Normal in the sense that most women on this earth, with the exception of some (who I do not consider "abnormal"), are mothers or will become mothers. What good am I if I expect to see change within the Church and I am not that change? I believe women are just as capable at preaching God's word at the pulpit as men, and I don't think they have to be women who choose not to bear children or get married.
Suddenly I find myself relieved. And blessed. I get to do ministry with my husband for two years. A husband who, on a road trip to the REI in Portland before we were married, listened to me sobbing my concerns and fears with being a wife and mother and desiring a Phd (which, let's be honest, who knows if that is still in God's plan for me) said to me, "You can do that. I plan on helping you get there." A husband who lets me taste what God had planned when he meant for men and women to be helpers. A companion. Yes I am blessed. I continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, and God continues to give me glimpses of His vision and of His Divine Glory.
p.s. - for all you wondering, no, kids are not in the near future unless God wills it and does some Divine intervention
When I began blogging, my primary audience was Calvin Crest folks, my high school friends, and the occasional college peer. My entries were sometimes more candid, more introspective, and perhaps sometimes too personal. When I discovered my blog base extended to family, friends, First Pres Bakersfield, and people who spend too much time on Facebook ;), I changed the way I write a little bit. Perhaps more conservative, definitely less threatening. And occasionally I want to write about things that perhaps the Bakersfield Californian would not be so interested to read. I am fine with all this, really - I am blessed to have a variety of readers. I feel like I understand vulnerability to a whole new level. I did, after all, write an entire blog entry about sex (for those of you new to the blog - ahem, my in-laws ;), the entry was about struggling with purity, not about having it) and I heard about it from my grandma later (who was actually very supportive)...
All that to say...
I want to write about something controversial, but not for the sake of being controversial. I pray my wrestlings would bring me closer to the heart of God and the truth of His plan rather than produce a clanging cymbal through the keyboard.
My thoughts lately turn to the age long controversy of the female role in the Church. Now, if you've read my essay on the Apostle Paul and the way he addresses women in ministry, you know that I believe both Jesus and Paul administered women to roles of teaching and leadership in the early church that were considered very radical. To be perfectly honest, I am very confident in God's call both in my life as a minister of the Gospel and in His call to other woman to be in positions of leadership in the Church. I wrestle no more in my own search to know God's heart for the other half of His Image.
And yet I find myself once again in a place where my soul is reminded that the way I see things (hopefully through Christ's eyes) and the way that Christian culture, some doctrine, churches, etc. see things at times, vastly differ. I don't see in motion that which I believe Christ encourages.
At the Sunday evening church-wide meeting, a new position is being discussed. An administrative pastor is needed to take the load off the pastoral care pastor. A woman raises her hand and asks, "Even though the title has the word 'pastor' in it, can a woman take the job?" My husband noticed my frustration as my hand clenched his tightly. I walk into staff meetings, and, save the secretaries & children's director (and, by the way, I LOVE this staff), I'm the only woman... as is true in most churches. When the youth pastors get together across the city, a congregation of men meet. The ballot for elders is men only (I forgot how "liberal" those Presbyterians could be with their female elders;)). This is our culture. Please note: I love these people. I am so very blessed to now belong to this congregation and the pastoral staff is Godly in the truest sense of the word. My frustration is not against specific people or the men who take leadership in the Church. The reality is - well, this is the reality and this has been reality... for a really long time.
I don't feel like God has given me a heart and a passion for the empowerment of women for no reason. Nor do I feel like He has led me into full-time ministry without Divine purpose. Even now I close my eyes and whisper that my heart would be His and that these words would reflect His character.
...
I plan to have kids some day. I don't know when. But someday (God willing), I will hold a small child in my arms, sing it lullabies, and rock it to sleep. I will be a mother just like most women in this world were created to be. To be honest, this desire is somewhat new for me. I think in my mind I always figured I would raise kids with my husband and live some kind of life being a mother and wife, and in the back of my head I always wondered, but God, what about ministry? What about grad school? What about these dreams? What about my desire to empower women and to reveal historical truths about your Word? And then the light bulb finally turned on as I watched baby Kana romp around with all of his drool spilling onto the hardware floor. Be the woman you want to empower. If I am to be a vessel of God as a minister to the Church, and if I want to advocate for female leadership in the Church (or whatever have you), then I am going to have to be a "normal" woman. Normal in the sense that most women on this earth, with the exception of some (who I do not consider "abnormal"), are mothers or will become mothers. What good am I if I expect to see change within the Church and I am not that change? I believe women are just as capable at preaching God's word at the pulpit as men, and I don't think they have to be women who choose not to bear children or get married.
Suddenly I find myself relieved. And blessed. I get to do ministry with my husband for two years. A husband who, on a road trip to the REI in Portland before we were married, listened to me sobbing my concerns and fears with being a wife and mother and desiring a Phd (which, let's be honest, who knows if that is still in God's plan for me) said to me, "You can do that. I plan on helping you get there." A husband who lets me taste what God had planned when he meant for men and women to be helpers. A companion. Yes I am blessed. I continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, and God continues to give me glimpses of His vision and of His Divine Glory.
p.s. - for all you wondering, no, kids are not in the near future unless God wills it and does some Divine intervention
Sunday, January 28, 2007
We're all grown up now
Guess what we get to attend now? Annual Business Meetings. WOO HOO! Well I suppose we would have to start attending sooner or later, but once on the payroll of the church, our attendance is mandated. ;) Not that it was bad, of course. We got free pizza and punch, hung out with some really cool people, and listened to the reading of minutes and people saying "aye."
We also got a very 'real' impression of the church... the formalities, government, and of course the one or two "nay-ers." I am thankful for the leadership of the church and Faith Baptist's heart to grow as a community in Christ. Thankful to see the dialogue, the patience, and the heart of the congregation. We are in the care of a congregation who truly prays. After the "business" of the meeting, we got together in groups of 5-10 people and earnestly prayed for the church... This church is shepherded well. Both Divinely and with the flesh.
We also got a very 'real' impression of the church... the formalities, government, and of course the one or two "nay-ers." I am thankful for the leadership of the church and Faith Baptist's heart to grow as a community in Christ. Thankful to see the dialogue, the patience, and the heart of the congregation. We are in the care of a congregation who truly prays. After the "business" of the meeting, we got together in groups of 5-10 people and earnestly prayed for the church... This church is shepherded well. Both Divinely and with the flesh.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Boric Acid it is
We went to Hardware Hawaii the other day in search for the remedy to our roach problem (apparently our cottage was infested). Gary soon became our friend as he empathized with our troublesome roaches and claimed that only boric acid would get rid of them forever after just a couple days. Apparently, the boric acid kills the roaches; they crawl into the wall and die... and as Gary said, "those roaches aren't real humane and they will just eat the dead ones. This produces a cycle of dead roaches and then they are gone." Eileen, thank you for your advice - the boric acid is all over the crevices and cracks in our walls and we have yet to see another roach - which is a good thing, because I've developed turrets whenever I spot a roach... it's become a signal for JD. I told our pastor this and he thought it was quite humorous. We have a good understanding ;) ...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Better is One Day
We've entered the war zone...
Spiritual warfare looks a lot different in Hawaii. Because the root of the Hawaiian cult religion involve ancestor worship, wicca, etc. - satan's activity is a lot bolder here. On the Mainland, satan manages to deceive people by making it look as if he is not present. Apathy, complacency, disruption among denominations, etc. Judeo-Christian culture masks the enemy's seemingly subtle schemes.
In Hawaii it is not uncommon for spiritual warfare to look just like that - a battle. JD and I were in a staff meeting this morning and mentioned the lack of sleep we've been experiencing. Part of this stems from the fact that I have an imagination that could create Jurassic Park in my bedroom... nonetheless, visions of demons, fear of cockroaches and centipedes, strange sounds outside our bedroom, etc. have kept me from rest (which hinders my time in the Word since I usually spend my best time with the Lord in the morning). JD, because he shares a bed with me, also experiences lack of sleep. Anyhow, at the staff meeting this morning, we brought this up and our head pastor, Brad Barshaw, informed us that it wasn't unusual for spiritual warfare to be especially heavy on the island. He, along with other staff members, mentioned different occasions they've experienced warfare and how it almost becomes a way of life. Brad suggested we pray over the cottage later that day - so we did.
And stepped into the front lines.
Now, I've had experience with spiritual warfare before - both at Calvin Crest and UCLA, so I feel like God has trained me to deal with this - but that doesn't make it any easier.
Satan's pissed.
After praying through the cottage, JD and I were unsuccessful at putting together the game we'd planned for the evening, got in a ridiculous fight, JD got a speeding ticket, and we found two (oh wait... another just crawled out from under our bed) - three more cockroaches in our BEDROOM tonight...
We prayed together tonight (for like the 5th time today) - and agreed in prayer that we'd rather have a day like today than live a thousand days smoothly. God has shown us His mercy and grace, and we rest upon the promises of His Word to protect, sustain, and strengthen us through this war zone.
Please pray for us. Pray for protection and for peace. Pray that fear would not set in and that our cottage would be a place of rest and a sanctuary. Pray for our ministry - that God would be glorified above all. Pray that His Holy Spirit would rest on this place, and on His people. Pray that our kids and staff would be protected. Pray for God's protection in our marriage. Pray that God would send a spiritual force to destroy the enemy's work here. And please pray that this would not take over our lives. God is way bigger than this, and the enemy would love nothing more than to make this the focus of our lives.
Blessings, friends.
Spiritual warfare looks a lot different in Hawaii. Because the root of the Hawaiian cult religion involve ancestor worship, wicca, etc. - satan's activity is a lot bolder here. On the Mainland, satan manages to deceive people by making it look as if he is not present. Apathy, complacency, disruption among denominations, etc. Judeo-Christian culture masks the enemy's seemingly subtle schemes.
In Hawaii it is not uncommon for spiritual warfare to look just like that - a battle. JD and I were in a staff meeting this morning and mentioned the lack of sleep we've been experiencing. Part of this stems from the fact that I have an imagination that could create Jurassic Park in my bedroom... nonetheless, visions of demons, fear of cockroaches and centipedes, strange sounds outside our bedroom, etc. have kept me from rest (which hinders my time in the Word since I usually spend my best time with the Lord in the morning). JD, because he shares a bed with me, also experiences lack of sleep. Anyhow, at the staff meeting this morning, we brought this up and our head pastor, Brad Barshaw, informed us that it wasn't unusual for spiritual warfare to be especially heavy on the island. He, along with other staff members, mentioned different occasions they've experienced warfare and how it almost becomes a way of life. Brad suggested we pray over the cottage later that day - so we did.
And stepped into the front lines.
Now, I've had experience with spiritual warfare before - both at Calvin Crest and UCLA, so I feel like God has trained me to deal with this - but that doesn't make it any easier.
Satan's pissed.
After praying through the cottage, JD and I were unsuccessful at putting together the game we'd planned for the evening, got in a ridiculous fight, JD got a speeding ticket, and we found two (oh wait... another just crawled out from under our bed) - three more cockroaches in our BEDROOM tonight...
We prayed together tonight (for like the 5th time today) - and agreed in prayer that we'd rather have a day like today than live a thousand days smoothly. God has shown us His mercy and grace, and we rest upon the promises of His Word to protect, sustain, and strengthen us through this war zone.
Please pray for us. Pray for protection and for peace. Pray that fear would not set in and that our cottage would be a place of rest and a sanctuary. Pray for our ministry - that God would be glorified above all. Pray that His Holy Spirit would rest on this place, and on His people. Pray that our kids and staff would be protected. Pray for God's protection in our marriage. Pray that God would send a spiritual force to destroy the enemy's work here. And please pray that this would not take over our lives. God is way bigger than this, and the enemy would love nothing more than to make this the focus of our lives.
Blessings, friends.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Paradise, Ministry, and Cockroaches
JD and I flew to the Island of Oahu nearly two weeks ago and are starting to learn the ropes of life in Kailua, HI. Kailua is nestled on the southeast coastline of the island just next to a range of steep sloping lush mountains. Our tiny cottage, located on church property, boasts big window looking into our tiny yard of tropical plants (which we have nearly killed due to our lack of experience with plants - it's like a small child). We truly live in paradise. Each day we walk out of our house, look at the sky, the mountains, the horizon, and say to ourselves... another beautiful day. Hawaiian life fits nicely with our active lifestyle as well; we've adapted to ocean swimming, kayaking, surfing, and are excited to go on one of the beautiful hikes in Kailua.
We can't forget the reason we're here, however. In the midst of paradise let us not forget that we are here as commissioned by the King. Faith Baptist has done more than its part in welcoming us into the church community. We were lei'd in the airport by the entire youth group upon arrival, and since then, we've begun building relationships with the kids and their family. The congregation has blown us away by giving us the necessities of living (cleaning supplies, kitchen towels, food, etc.) and by remodeling our once trashy cottage into a place we are glad to call home.
Well... except one minor thing. Kind of minor. Not really.
The cockroaches. Yes. Big ones. Not small. They fly. They are in our house. We have taken extreme measures against them. Home Defense. The Roach Motel: where roaches check in but they don't check out. We meticulously check the bed and all the corners before snoozing (ok, JD does that for me). Here goes our first cockroach experience:
Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
JD (down the hall): What?! What's going on??!!?!
Me: (jumping up and down) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
JD: (now in the room with me) Babe stop! What are you screaming at?!!!
Me: (pointing at enormous cockroach in bathroom and now on top of the bed) EEEEEEEE!!!!
JD: (deep breath.) Oh boy. I have no idea how I'm going to kill this thing
Me: (get massive willies) KILL IT!!
JD: Uh... OK. Grab me one of those large plastic cups and a piece of paper. Oh boy. Killing bugs is not my thing
Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
JD: BABE. You need to stop screaming. You're freaking me out!
(slams cup on cockroach. cockroach splits in half. keeps moving).
Me: EEEEE!
JD: How is this thing still alive? Really?!
(slams cup on both parts, slides paper underneath. cautiously picks trap up and walks out the door. puts cup down. stomps on it as hard as he can. multiple times.)
Cockroach: dead.
We can't forget the reason we're here, however. In the midst of paradise let us not forget that we are here as commissioned by the King. Faith Baptist has done more than its part in welcoming us into the church community. We were lei'd in the airport by the entire youth group upon arrival, and since then, we've begun building relationships with the kids and their family. The congregation has blown us away by giving us the necessities of living (cleaning supplies, kitchen towels, food, etc.) and by remodeling our once trashy cottage into a place we are glad to call home.
Well... except one minor thing. Kind of minor. Not really.
The cockroaches. Yes. Big ones. Not small. They fly. They are in our house. We have taken extreme measures against them. Home Defense. The Roach Motel: where roaches check in but they don't check out. We meticulously check the bed and all the corners before snoozing (ok, JD does that for me). Here goes our first cockroach experience:
Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
JD (down the hall): What?! What's going on??!!?!
Me: (jumping up and down) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
JD: (now in the room with me) Babe stop! What are you screaming at?!!!
Me: (pointing at enormous cockroach in bathroom and now on top of the bed) EEEEEEEE!!!!
JD: (deep breath.) Oh boy. I have no idea how I'm going to kill this thing
Me: (get massive willies) KILL IT!!
JD: Uh... OK. Grab me one of those large plastic cups and a piece of paper. Oh boy. Killing bugs is not my thing
Me: EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
JD: BABE. You need to stop screaming. You're freaking me out!
(slams cup on cockroach. cockroach splits in half. keeps moving).
Me: EEEEE!
JD: How is this thing still alive? Really?!
(slams cup on both parts, slides paper underneath. cautiously picks trap up and walks out the door. puts cup down. stomps on it as hard as he can. multiple times.)
Cockroach: dead.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Thank You Cards
They're coming. But they're on haitus. So if you haven't gotten a thank you card (which is most of you out there), please be patient. We are extremely thankful. You will be thanked. I promise.
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