Vernal Falls

JD and I nearing the top of Vernal Falls on the family camping trip to Yosemite

Just gonna throw this out there

It is a good idea to tip your Starbucks Baristas...

It must be messy

Prayer must be messy. There is nothing clean or romantic or fuzzy feeling about getting on your knees (especially with someone else - as we are often caled to do) and exposing your soul to Him. Everything must come out. We like the idea of prayer - it sounds good - but when the Spirit summons you to prayer, it's bound to be painful, exposing, terrifying, humbling, beautiful, and healing all at the same time.

I feel like we sometimes romanticize the Christian walk. Oh how lovely it would be to wake up each morning, do a bit of journaling, prayer, and read God's Word... To have great "Quiet Times" with the Lord where we feel safe and warm and assured of His presence... And then perhaps we'll work at a Church or volunteer our time doing good for the community. And this lifestyle will make Him pleased with us....

I think this is all well and good - don't get me wrong. But after a while, something messy has to come of it. And I don't mean circumstances as if a loved one has died or there has been a painful breakup or something of that sort. If we really do as we say we want to do, the outcome must be complete exposure to one's sin - the depth of his/her sin where satan has hidden his bondage. And most likely that bondage has been there for a long time - perhaps our entire lives. But God must get at it if we are to be His disciples. It's not fun, it's not safe, it's not terribly exciting (though out hearts may know deep down that it has to be exciting because God is working in us)... but it's necessary. In order for God to get at us we must let HIm do the dirty work. And we have to be in it right there with Him - it's not some fragmented concept I once thought it was where God inserted His hand and made me whole. No... for Him to do the dirty work in our hearts means to be painfully exposed and alive, to be fully awake during a complicated surgery yet feel as if you are asleep because there might be numbness that comes with it. And God does His work until He is satisfied because He is a Holy God. I think this is a good thing. It doesn't feel like a good thing but I know it is a good thing. Because He is good... and our faith is more precious to Him than gold.

Learning new meaning of refinement...

Spiritual Poverty

Yesterday was one of those days. Car broke down after work in the hot summer weather. Tow truck came. Car shop was closed... must wait a day. Nausiated because of antibiotics and ear infection. Very tired. Haven't a clue what October will bring... where we will live, what we will do, how we will sleep (no bed). Debt and financial burdens looming overhead. Spiritally poor too...

This is the place God has me. Must TRUST. Even if by a thread. Relying on what I know to be true about God rather than what I feel about God. I feel nothing. There is no spiritual hallibaloo. Spiritual poverty keeps me praying for mercy and grace and for God to be much bigger than me.

Expectations escape as they are never met. We must expect God but not "how" God. Felt the Call for years... now it's put into motion and I feel nothing. Is there something wrong with me or is there something Divine in the need to feel small, insignificant, dry, unworthy, and unfeeling... There are no fireworks in my heart - the romance gone from my vision... Yet I still trust because I know God. I know God and I know His call. Obedience and faith - His requirements.

Is this discouragement or real life. Is this attack or is it necessary to the Call. Is this the effect of sin or is it God's faithful silence.
...

I cannot do it on my own...